Friday, May 02, 2014

Clarina endgame? Hell yes! Clara still affectionate with Cadu? And yes she loves Marina.

Before we get into this, this post isn't long enough yet ;) so first a quick little author's note including a tiny bit of spoiler talk about a scene from next week. Don't say I didn't warn ya.

Anyway, I got a tickle to write this article after the episode last night (April 30), started rambling happily and straight into the morning, then suddenly it was 9 am and I remembered I had to run off to an appointment at 9:30am, but I hadn't finished writing yet! Itching to get back to it though. Got back home at 11am, was going to write more and finish it, but a friend asked me for help on her thesis. She's not good at English so I offered to help her with that a while ago. This bit she had couldn't wait, she had to hand it in today, so I spent until 4 pm checking that. Still not finished the blog, still itching. Text was done at least, still had to clean it up a bit, but at 6pm I had to leave again, sporty stuff to do, the last week of this season, which means last practice, last game on sunday, so I wasn't gonna miss tonight. It was emotional, I'm kind of drained at the moment. But, this post is still not finished so I got right back to it. My points were mostly made, it was just cleaning up I had to do. Which is what I did just now.

Early this afternoon however, before practice, I see that a spoiler has been posted. Now while I think the spoiler itself is really promising, it says that Clara admits she loves Marina and that she loves Cadu and she thinks she's bisexual, loves them both equally. She also says she can't decide, she doesn't know how, maybe because she hasn't been with Marina yet, so she doesn't know what it's like.
Well, what do you know, I just spent six hours rambling about exactly that, about her having no comparison, she doesn't know what she is missing, which is why she can't choose. Also trying to convince certain people who don't believe that she indeed loves Marina. Because if she did, she wouldn't be all couply with Cadu, right? No, wrong, is my opinion, Which is why this post was trying to explain why she does love her and why it does make sense for Clara to still be affectionate with him. And then that spoiler comes out.

Well crap.

I wish I'd finished this before it came out, cause this post after that bit of info might seem to some, like: 'Yeah dude, everything you said was on that page as well and they said it in only 3 lines'. Humm, yeah, true. But I don't do 3 lines, I do 3 pages. At least. Yes this is long, I lied in the beginning and I'm not sorry. :P It's also not at all my point.

Cause the point is, even though this was written before that spoiler existed and I would not have rambled about this subject maybe and also it might be a little obsolete now, I'd feel a bit meh about typing for a bunch of hours and then not doing anything with it, so I'm just gonna post it anyway. Maybe someone enjoys it. ;)

Getting to the actual stuff now. Keep in mind when it was written, though.

(I'm gonna make this article cuter with pics, but like I said, I'm kinda drained right now. Later today maybe, otherwise tomorrow. So come back to check if you are curious, I'll get to that, but not now. Have a good night and a good Clarina ep in a bit.)

Byebye o/


So, there's been a few comments here and there lately, people saying they're not sure if Clara actually loves Marina, cause she's being so couply with Cadu. How can she be in love with Marina yet still sleep with Cadu and be so affectionate with him? I've seen these comments pop up here and there, people saying they only see Clara and Cadu being totally couple but when someone said they see no signs that Clara actually loves Marina, my tickle tickled like it never tickled before and I replied.

Let me state my firm belief first. 'Clarina is endgame'. Clara and Marina are going to end up together, no doubt in my mind that's what the writers have planned. Hopefully within the next week or two, so we can enjoy a month or two of loving Clarinaship and the troubles and difficulties they have to face along that ride. I can't want to see how they handle telling Ivan, for example, coming out to her family, dealing with reactions, what's in store for Cadu (I could totally see him with Veronica, just sayin'), how will Vanessa take this (hope gets a happy end). So much stuff to explore, I hope they explore them all and then some.

That said, back to the matter at hand. First of all, you don't have to act 'couply' to show signs you love someone. That said, I certainly do think Marina and Clara act couply every now and then, but that's another matter. Just because they don't kiss and share a bed doesn't mean there aren't any signals that she loves her. There's signals all over the place!

The comment that triggered my reply was this:

To me, it looks like Clara is really enjoying Cadu. I haven't seen a moment in which she is portrayed as she is really missing Marina. They showed her in a picnic with her husband and she don't look distant or that she is in love with someone else other than her husband. For a writer who wants to show Clarina to be end game, he is doing a lousy job at it. They should show her having a moment. Something to let us know that she has Marina on her mind and she is doing all of this because Cadu is sick. To me right now it just looks like she is very happy in her marriage and Marina is just a friend.

My response to it, edited it slightly:

It's a writer showing a woman who loves her husband, is also worried about him and that same woman that loves her husband also loves another woman. They show us moments all the time. They are all over the place.

If she didn't love Marina, the fair thing to do, would be to just tell her: 'Sorry, but I don't want to be with you, I don't have feelings, or if I do, they are not strong enough to leave my husband for you.' She didn't, cause she does have strong enough feelings. She loves her. She told her 'I can't leave my husband, he needs me.' If she didn't love her, she'd have said so. She didn't.

The venom between her and Vanessa cause they both know they are rivals. Being at work with someone who shoots venom at you nonstop isn't fun, I guarantee you. If she could stop it, she would. If she didn't want the sarcastic venom comments she would just tell Vanessa 'Oh whatever, I don't want her, stop being a baby.' But she's not. Cause she does love Marina, Vanessa knows it, they both do. They both know how it feels to love Marina this much.

The phone calls between her and Marina. She starts whispering as soon as Cadu walks in cause she knows he wouldn't like it. She knows she's talking to someone who is *his* rival, and he wouldn't like that. If you're talking to a friend, why would you hide being on the phone with them when your husband walks in?

The looks, the nervousness when introduced to Marina's dad. The panic in her eyes and her voice when she asked Marina if she and Vanessa were back together. The acceptance in those same eyes when Silvia told them he might need a heart transplant, the realization that hit her at that exact moment that making a choice between the two of them was impossible right now. That she had to stay with Cadu and put her own choice on hold. The doubt on her face, the grief almost, when she hugged Cadu after he gave her the ring. How uncomfortable her whole appearance is when Cadu shoves the ring in Marina's face. If she was blissfully happy about the ring, she'd show all her friends the same day cheering they were giving it another try. She kept it to herself for a month. She wasn't happy at all with this ring and renewal of vows cause she's still torn. She's not ready to make a choice.

I can keep going on like this for a while, trust me, there's signs in every episode. The signs are all over the place, all the time. I don't understand how you didn't see them to be honest. She loves her husband. She loves Marina. If she had the time to sit down and think about it, maybe she'd be able to make a choice. That whole choice thing? Wrap it up and toss it in the backseat, it's gonna have to wait. She can't leave him now. She can't make that choice. Not now. Let's deal with this heart problem first. After that is dealt with, she can have a sit down and have an honest conversation with herself about what SHE wants. She's doing the
right thing now, not the 'Clara makes a choice' thing.

Right, so that's that. Ramble time:

I have something more to add though. While I know for certain Clara loves Marina, like I said I also know she loves Cadu. I truly believe she does. I believe she is torn, but I also believe personally that she loves Marina more than him. Marina was able to look through all the layers and not only see the person that Clara was supposed to be, she was also able to bring her out and help her become that very same person. Cadu was never able to do that, cause Clara never fully opened herself up to him. He liked her as she was, a domestic housewife. Because he liked who she was he never looked further, never even entertained the idea there might be more to her than what he knew. When Marina came along it took her less than a second to see who she could be. Not only did she see it cause she instinctively knew how to look, she saw it cause Clara allowed her to look inside. She opened herself up and welcomed Marina in cause if felt like the most natural thing to do. A bit scary at first cause it was new, but everything told her she should get on this train and go wherever it would take her. She was curious what Marina saw, curious what she'd find. She faced the scary with Marina by her side and she found a whole new person hidden inside herself.
That person now knows a side of life she never knew, a kind of love she's never known about. She was in the process of finding out if that new side of her is a side she's willing to give up her marriage for. In my opinion she'll find that she is, but Clara hasn't reached that point yet. At least, she wasn't at that point yet when Cadu's health problems started appearing. I'm guessing if his health problems hadn't started, she would be at that point now, maybe even past it.

Bluntly said, she got distracted. Distracted by a heart disease that moved her own desires to the background. I think she'd know exactly what she wanted and who she wanted to be with if she'd been given the opportunity to have a heart to heart with... well, her heart. She would have realized by now that it's Marina she loves more than Cadu, that whatever satisfaction her marriage to Cadu is giving her is not nearly enough compared to what being with Marina can give her.Don't forget, she hasn't had Marina yet. She's never been with Marina. She danced with her, yes. That was awesome, she loved it. When she thought about how that was, she was flustered. She received a chaste kiss near her lips. Yes. That was awesome too. She loved that. We loved it too, but our butterflies were a calm grazing herd compared to the raging stampede that she was experiencing,.

But to actually have someone, all the time, to be with them, to make love to them, to spend countless and endless nights memorizing all the perfect imperfections in their skin, to share your house with them, to experience just exactly how many fireworks go off and keep going off while you're making love to the one you're meant to be with, to cuddle up together enjoying a lazy sunday morning coffee, to be surprised by your love with a spontaneous moment of passion just when you didn't expect it, to learn the story behind all their beautiful scars when you lie naked in each others arms wondering why you'd ever want to get up ever again...In other words, to fully experience the joy and serenity you feel when you are really with someone. She hasn't had that with Marina. She doesn't know what that would be like with her yet. All she knows, is what life with Cadu is like and up until she met Marina, that was all she ever knew and ever wanted. She thinks what she has now, is what it's like to be with the one you love. She has nothing to compare. All she knows now, is that being with Cadu is as good as it gets. I think when she finally gets to experience those things with Marina, she'll be blown away. She's already been spellbound by all the emotions and sensations that she experienced even without all the things she shared with Cadu. I think she'll be absolutely overwhelmed by all the things she discovers that she never knew existed, about love, sex, life, herself and everything else, once she's with Marina.

But Clara hasn't had that yet. She has only peeled off the outer layer. As eye opening as that has been, she hasn't had the chance yet to go deeper, to go see what else there is to discover.That is why she can still be affectionate with Cadu. She has nothing to compare. What she felt for him before she met Marina didn't go away, what she feels for him now isn't influenced by what she feels for her.She loves him, he's been her husband for all those years. He never cheated on her. He never hit her. He loves his son and his son loves him. He may have his flaws, he made mistakes, but so does everyone else.She said it herself, she married him to be happy. Until she met Marina, being married to him made her happy, but on the day she met her, Clara started opening a door towards a new kind of happiness. A happiness she never even knew was out there, one that baffled her even without even fully being with the woman that showed her where to find it.

Like I said, I think she'll be blown away once she discovers it and the choice will be a lot clearer then, but for now, to her, what she has with Cadu, that's love, devotion, that the thing that people search for all their lives. As long as she hasn't been with Marina, I don't see her leaving him. She loves them both equally as far as she knows, but only as far as her experience allows her to know. How can you make the choice to leave one person if you're not sure you're supposed to be with the other and you feel like you love them just as much? That's a huge risk to take, not one you'd take if one of those people spent 10 years of his life being a good husband and a good father to your son. She won't leave him until she finds out just exactly what being with Marina really means. So yes, until then, it's perfectly natural she wants to kiss him, have sex with him, to touch his face, to cuddle up to him in bed. He's still the husband that made her happy all these years.

And then she met Marina and she opened that door just a little bit. They had to hold back, a lot. She didn't experience much yet, compared to what there is to find, just touches, looks, a dance, a chaste kiss. So far she only scratched the surface, but that alone was so much already, it's enough to baffle her and keep her wondering what else is there to find. This new happiness that Marina showed her is one she doesn't want to let go of anymore. This whole new spectrum of feelings she's experiencing and the intense joy in her heart she discovered, she knows she has to find out what else is there to discover. Even without experiencing all of Marina, without living with her, making love to her, being with her completely, even without all that, she found a new kind of happiness that made her doubt everything she's ever known up to this point. If not having Marina can make her doubt everything she's ever known, imagine what fully experiencing all of Marina would do to ger.

She planned to find out, she wanted to know what else was hidden. She knew she owed it to herself to find out, but right when she told herself she was ready to start digging and see what she'd find, Cadu started getting sick. So she stopped digging for a while cause he needed her help. The man who had always given her what she thought was happiness, needed her help, of course she was going to give it. She could stop herself from giving herself completely to Marina, but she couldn't stop herself from digging a tiny bit deeper every now and then, it simply happened every time they were together, every time she saw the eyes that she couldn't wait to see again when she left. She couldn't stay away. She gave her support to her husband cause she still loved him as much as she did before Marina came down those stairs, because he needed her and because it wasn't even a question, but staying away from Marina, she couldn't do that either. So she kept falling deeper and deeper in love with her, she kept digging without trying cause she was simply so drawn to her, but she did manage to resist the urge to reach for that shovel and get the big chunks out of the way. Even though the anticipation of what she'd find by being with Marina pulled at her like a magnet, she saw Cadu's health worsen and he was getting worse. The father of her son and the man that had always given her what she thought was all there was, he was fading away and she was scared,

She knew she had to make a choice. Before his heart started giving out, the choice was between Cadu or Marina, the question was who her own heart truly belonged to. The choice now was either digging towards the answer, what it was that her own heart desired, or she stopped digging for now and support the the man she had loved for many years, the one she shared her life with, the father of her child. She realized the choice wasn't a choice at all. This man, who had never wronged her, who had loved her all this time, she couldn't just simply chase her own answers while her son might be losing his father. There was no question to ask. If there had been, the answer would have been simple. She couldn't leave.

So even though the answer may have been simple, the truth was that nothing had even been this difficult.

The choice that wasn't a choice and the choice the couldn't make both divided her heart into several pieces. She found that it desired Marina so badly, it made her redefine the entire meaning of the word itself. It's like her heart sings to her when she thinks about her or hears her voice, when she sees her smile, when she smells her scent and touches her skin. She tries not to think about how much she wants to kiss her, trying to shield herself from the sting that follows every time she has to tell herself that she can't.

She can sense the devotion and the yearning in Marina's eyes, the love she knows she has in her heart. Then when she realizes the pain it conceals, her heart bleeds for her as she battles her own internal torment of knowing she is both the reason and the remedy for that pain and how she can't allow herself to administer the cure, no matter how much she longs to take away both their suffering.

Her heart bleeds also when she looks at the man she loved for many years and remembers his anger, his pain caused by her feelings for a woman. She desperately tried to take the pain away by fighting those feelings, by not acting on them, but she still longed to do just that as she found herself powerless against them. Knowing there will come a day when she'll have to confront them and figure this out, it scares her. The possibility that he won't even be around anymore by the time that day arrives, that scares her even more.

She now watches him as he's trying to catch his breath. She sees him looking at Ivan and she can almost hear his unspoken wish, to be able to just get up, lift his son in his arms and tell him everything is going to be alright.She sees an 8 year old boy help his father take off his shoes and she curses this horrible feeling of helplessness because she doesn't know howto make sure her son isn't going to grow up without a father.

Everything she does for him is out of love. She loves this man, she never stopped. Marina came into her life and before she knew it, she loved her too. She was so blindsided by her own feelings that by the time she caught on to the fact that she might actually be falling for her, she was already in love. She had no idea what overcame her, so every realization she came to, was long after the point of no return. So now that she finally acknowledged to herself that she indeed loves two people, she knows she has to follow the path to happiness. Which path that is she doesn't know yet, she's literally torn in half. One day she will find the path, but she realizes her own desires can't come first right now. Marina's love and desires, as much as she hates hurting her like this, they can't come first either. She loves two people equally and even though she might suspect which one of the two holds the key to her own true happiness and to true love, she doesn't know for sure. One of those people is dying of heart failure. That's what comes first.

She'll keep loving Marina from as far away as she can stand and as close as she dares, knowing full well it's a thin line she's walking, she just hopes she can keep resisting the urge to cross it. She'll also keep taking care of her husband and her son and she does it cause of love and because she wants him to be alright. She needs him to be, cause she can't even entertain the idea of having to escort her son to his father's funeral before he's even 10 years old.

She won't permit herself to ask the questions she wants answers to. She can't allow herself to think about what she's willing to do to find them, what she'll do when they finally make sense. The only answer that makes sense right now, is that her husband might be dying.

She could have chosen to do the selfish thing. Instead she chose the right thing. A selfless choice. On top of worrying for her husband, she chose to hurt beyond measure because she longs for someone yet still denies herself the luxury to find the answers she needed. She chose to hurt the woman she loved when she chose to hurt herself but knew there was no way she could not. She did the loyal thing and postponed her own quest to find answers.

I'm not claiming that as soon as Cadu is out of danger she'll pack her bags and move in with Marina, but she'll finally be able to take the time she needs to find the answers she's looking for.


  1. You're right in everything you write .. but thought it was taking a lot of time .. to make Marina and clara together or not .... But I think things will get better .. I always like to read what you write .. great job I wish to continue
    (Please and I hope I will not bother you ... I want to know what you think about trip episode " was marina thinking while tak Claire for the trip together .. It would be great to read about this episode ...) thanks

    1. Thanks for the nice comments :)

      You wondered about what they were feeling when they went to Angra? What Marina's thoughts and intentions were?

    2. yes when they went to angra " ....i want to know ...what marina and clara thinking and feeling .

    3. I'll see if I can dive into it, can't promise though. :) Thanks again for the lovely words and I'll see what I can do!

  2. I couldnt be more agree with u! Excellent analysis, like always. Thanks!

    1. Thank you so much! Glad to be agreed with :P

  3. Some books are so much better when read, even if they do come after the spoiler. :) I enjoyed the rational, thorough (always a joy), and step by step analysis. Love your study of their relationship. :)

    1. Bit late this, but thanks :)
      Had some arguments with my comment section lately ;)

  4. Wonderful, thoughtful analysis of their relationship...and here I thought I was the only one thinking so much about them and the reasons for the slow progress of Clara and Marina's romance. I think they will eventually be stronger for it. Life continually offers us challenges,and when we meet them, we are more determined than ever to succeed.

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