Thursday, May 08, 2014

The Stare! Clara's guilt and Felipe was the trigger!

So this happened!

I’m watching this episode on the live stream, my forum is open, I’m armed with a chocolate bar and ready to exchange witty comments about the episodes with my girls there. We open where we left off, Cadu being very heartless at the moment.Complications happen, his heart rate goes down, blood pressure, something else, I’m not sure exactly, but things bleep and people get nervous and big eyed and it’s all supposed to be very scary and tense and terrifying.

We cut to the waiting room where we find almost the entire Em Familia family hanging on couches, lounging in chairs, staring into the distance, all anxiously awaiting news. Clara is talking on the phone to her son Ivan, I don’t speak Portuguese so I still have no idea what she said but I am assuming she is telling him comforting things and he should just go to bed and reassuring him that everything is going to be ok and he can talk to his father soon. Marina is seated next to Clara while she talks and near the end of the conversation, Chica sits down next to her daughter on the other side. After Clara hangs up, she is clearly worried and understandably so. About Cadu, but also how her son is dealing with it and I’m sure she wishes she could give him a hug right now. Her mother puts a comforting arm around her, Marina puts a hand on her shoulder. Clara immediately reacts to the hand, turns her head to look at Marina for a little bit of support while she reaches up with her own hand so she can hold hers and also, I can’t stop looking at the thumb rubbing they are doing. It’s so sweet and loving, she's so grateful she’s there with her. Love it.

She then shares a cute mother-daughter moment with Chica, resting their heads together, then she looks back to search for Marina’s eyes again and they share a totally sweet smile. Clara leans her chin on her own hand, the one that’s holding Marina’s and we all know it’s Marina’s hand she’s actually leaning on. Marina leans in to rest her own head against Clara’s shoulder as well and in my opinion that shot could have been longer, but alas, Felipe walks in so we cut to him, because he has important news. Everybody runs over and tells him to say something, but he’s one of those guys that makes lame jokes at inappropriate times and thinks he’s funny, so he put on his doomsday face, makes everybody yell at him to talk already and speak and for the love of whatever is holy to you, say something. After about 5 minutes he finally does. Cadu is alright, the surgery was a success.

Next part I’m going to go through quickly cause I want to get to the good part. Everybody is relieved, cheers, smiles, hugs each other or sinks to the ground in happy relief. Felipe gives them some more information, and they’re all happy and cheer more and applaud and Clara even hugs Silvia. After the cheering and remembering to call Ivan, Clara asks how long Cadu has to stay in the hospital. Silvia answers her nine days in total he has to stay, then she goes on to give them some more information on tubes and when they come out and what else is next and I don’t even care, cause what’s next made me bounce in my chair and rave like a crazy person and I’m still doing it. It’s awesome.

Clara comments. ‘That’s a long time! I want to take him home now.’

While everybody else is happy and oblivious, Marina hears this and manages a smile, but it’s a fake one. Even though I’m sure she’s glad Cadu is alright, hearing the love of your life say they want to take their husband home quickly isn't something you want to hear if you’re not that husband. You can see the flash of hurt in her eyes while she tries to put on a brave face and resists the urge to find a corner to crawl into. Nobody notices and everybody is still all happy and highfiving each other. Clara doesn’t notice it either.

That’s when Felipe leans over Marina’s shoulder, cracks a joke and it turns out to be a major trigger, cause that’s when IT happens.

He says ‘You got a new husband and you already want to take him home, now that’s love!’

Halfway through his comment the camera pans back to Clara and even though her smile remains on her lips, her eyes lose the shine in an instant as she turns to look at Marina who’s still standing there, calmly smiling back at Clara. This is the moment that it hits her and it hit her like a ton of bricks. Clara’s expression changes radically. Her eyes are suddenly sad and her mouth even twitches slightly and while her smile is still there, it’s also fake, her expression is nothing less than painful. Clara face may be smiling, but Clara most definitely is not.

It’s just the two of them in that moment, nobody else matters, it’s just Clara staring at Marina with a pained expression, Marina smiling calmly at back at her. Marina nods, it’s sort of reassuring, comforting and we see Clara again, but it’s a whole different Clara from than the one we saw before. She stands there with her head lowered, she’s not looking at Marina anymore. She’s staring at the ground, she’s biting her lip. She's hiding. This has just made an impact on Clara like nothing did before. I got the chills and the goose bumps and that Stare shall forever be known as the Mother of all Stares.

Clara feels guilty. She's just been hit with a tsunami of realizations and even though she’s clearly happy that Cadu is going to be alright, it’s just been rubbed in her face that Marina is not.

I had no idea what triggered it at first cause I don’t speak Portuguese and I didn’t know what was said, but something was, something made this happen. Someone said something and it hit her like a brick. No, it hit her like a whole house. Something made this happen. What triggered it? I missed it when I saw it the first time without knowing what the lines meant exactly. Then I looked back, saw it was Felipe's comment, that it was his comment that triggered it. It's the comment of the episode for me, before I knew what it Felipe actually said. All I knew, is that it triggered the Mother of all Stares, and it’s amazing.

How many times did Clara make a casual comment to Marina about Cadu, how often did she mention his name in the same sentence as things like love and husband? Very often. Clara never fully realized how painful that was for Marina to hear. She loves Marina, yes, but she also loves Cadu. To Clara, saying she loved him was the most natural thing. Even though she wants to be with Marina and find out if she may be with the wrong person, she couldn’t do that and it hurt her. She kept excusing herself, I can’t leave, I’m sorry, he’s still sick, he’s doing worse. Bringing up Cadu was her way of explaining to Marina why she couldn’t be with her and remove both their torment. Call it naïve, call it whatever you want, but she never fully realized how painful it would be to be in Marina’s shoes and how much she gave up for her, how much she was hurting, for her, for Clara.

Then she found Marina cuddling up with Vanessa in bed, it hurt and it stung and it made her jealous. She vividly remembers how that feels, how scared she was that Marina was with someone else. Now this casual 'in your face' comment is made by Felipe and she knows. She hears him say it, sees it being rubbed in Marina’s face, she can see the pain through her smile and she suddenly remembers exactly how she felt when she found her in bed with Vanessa cuddled up to her. Clara's felt bad before about it, she knew Marina was hurting but she always told herself, I have no choice, I can’t. She had to put her through this but she's never seen Marina being confronted with it like this. Now that she sees it, she feels guilty, ashamed even.

Clara can finally relate. She can relate now better than she ever could and she is realizing she’s in a situation she can’t be in for much longer. She needs to make a choice and she needs to make it soon. Marina has been here for her in the hospital by her side, she's nothing but patient, understanding, never asked her to leave him, shown nothing but love. Seeing the salt in Marina’s wound so clearly this time, she knows she can't keep doing this to the woman she loves. She's happy Cadu is alright, relieved. But then she saw Marina’s eyes and it all became clear. Clara is getting Marina's pain rubbed in her face right there and the guilt just radiates off of her.

Even though she realizes what Marina is feeling right now, she can see Marina smiling back at her. Clara knows Marina can see the guilt, but she’s still comforting her. Like she’s trying to tell her now is not the time for guilt. She’s reassuring her, giving her a nod. ‘Yes, this hurts me, but now is not the time. I get it, you’re happy he’s alright. It’s ok. I get it. We will do this later.’

Amazing scene. Good build up, the parallel of her clash with Vanessa today telling her can’t choose between man, woman, to grow up. On top of that, Cadu is going to be alright, no longer dependant on her completely. Everything that is happening to Clara lately and very much so today, has been opening up her doors towards Marina. It’s also been removing barriers that were keeping her tied to Cadu. I have never seen Clara get hit with that much reality until this moment. The moment when she saw everything that she was putting her through. It produced That Stare! So guilty! The hiding, the shame. Suddenly she realizes everything.

She might suspect strongly that Marina is who she should be with, but she can’t know for sure till she’s been with her. She was never in the position to allow herself to choose. She was tied up. Now that Cadu is getting healthy, she can finally sit down, take a good look at herself and her own desires and make a choice. The ton of bricks that hit her today, has told her in very harsh ways, that she shouldn't wait too long with it. She can’t do that to Marina for much longer. Marina offered to suffer, but now Clara finally realizes the sacrifice that she actually made.



  1. Oh my god...your writing really touching me...i'm crying while reading ur post...eventhough i still not watch this i can imagine that moment...

    1. Wow, you haven't seen it and I made you cry? Well, I don't usually intend to make girls cry but I guess in this this case I will take it as a compliment :) I hope you got to see the scene by now. If not, go see it quickly. It's amazing. Thanks for your comment :)

  2. I want to know clara will choose in the end ... it's hard to see Marina suffering without feeling in her pain ... I hope that clara realize soon that make Marina suffering ... so clara will choose her or not .. I know that this is difficult, but I think that Vanessa is right ....thanks for Wonderful article

    1. I think this has been a big clue for Clara to finally make up her mind. The burden of a sick husband holding her back isn't going to be there for much longer. She's going to get more and more clues that she should get her ass moving. She has to choose, cause right now she's hurting Marina, Cadu and herself. If she's not careful, Ivan too. She needs to make a decision.

      But how will she make up her mind then?

      She has to choose, but she's not sure enough to dive into the unknown to leave him first, then go to Marina. She won't know what she feels exactly and if it's worth it until she's been with Marina, so staying with Cadu and doing nothing is also not an option, she'll never be sure. She still loves her to death, right now it's torture. She has to find out. She won't leave until she knows. She won't know until she sleeps with her. Until she spends time with her in a proper relationship. Her only option? Be with Marina. I think she will cheat on Cadu. It's the only way she'll know.

    2. And, of course, thanks for your comment :)

  3. You rock. I find myself looking forward to your thoughts as much as the new episodes. Seriously, you rock.

    1. Wow. There is just no way that you are looking forwards to words I write as much as you're looking forward to seeing these wonderful women stare at each other in ways that spontaneously spawn gifs all over the world. ;) Hehe. Very huge compliment, I bow to you, my lady. Very happy my rambles are appreciated. :P

  4. Thanks to you I now better understand some passages, because I am French, and there is no French translation, I made with English. I discovered your site there is little days.
    I come on your site every day, and every day I look at videos of Clarina.
    I try to understand as best I can but I do not understand everything,
    but I am happy to this I understand in you reading.
    I hope you are right and that Clara will finally let go with Marina.
    Marina was so patient, so kind and gentle with Clara that if she did not go to Marina I would be sad :'(
    But I think she understood so when you say so that Marina suffers.
    So I think she don't not go do to suffer Marina more.
    Thank you and keep writing I really appreciate.

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  6. The dialogue in this scene goes like this:
    Clara: how much longer will Cadu have to stay here (in the hospital)?!
    Silvia (Cadu's doctor): if everything keeps going well he'll have to stay another four days in the ICU (and then Silvia starts to explain to Clara all medical procedures that Cadu will have to go trough after this time and only then he'll go to a room in the hospital)
    Clara: That's to long!!! I wanna take my husband home soon!!!
    Felipe (Cadu's doctor and Clara's brother): She have a renewed husband and can't wait to get him home!!! THAT'S LOVE!!!

    ...and then Clara can't help staring Marina (when her brother says LOVE)!!!!

    1. Clara was looking at Marina way before that

  7. I am amazed at your perfect interpretation of the looks of Clara and the reaction of her body, because we know that our body speaks without use voice One of the successes of this novel was precisely the ability of the actresses with limiting role use artistic voice to extreme, and they managed to perfection, I say this because you could make a correct reading even without understanding the spoken language, in this case the português.Parabéns for Gio, Taina and Collette.


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