Translate

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

If you were Clara, you'd be yelling back too

Couple of days ago we saw a little argument between Clara and Cadu. They were having a talk about Veronica when Clara mentioned talking to Marina about it. He's not happy with it and they get into an argument. She knows why he's concerned. She understands perfectly well. You can see it in her eyes for a very tiny moment, when she leans back slightly, before she says it's a public place. But she still gets very defensive, she's my friend, are you kidding me? She's not playing. She believes it. At first I thought, Clara, you know he's right, you're being a little too nonchalant, you're totally in love with her, he's right to be concerned, you're defending a little bit too hard. Tiny bit on the hypocritical side. But some reviewing and a few episodes later, I changed my mind. She's genuine. She knows why he's not happy with it, she even understands it. But she also feels she's in the right. She believes what she's arguing for. Let's take a walk right through it.


He goes ‘yeh right’ mode, which in his point of view, I can understand. He knows there is something going on. She gets defensive when Marina is being attacked, cause sure, she may be guilty of loving her, but she didn’t do anything, so she's not guilty of cheating. She says she's being sincere, there is no problem with Marina being there, because she's resisting. She's telling the truth when she's defending Marina being there, she's not planning on doing anything. She can't be blamed for something she didn't do. She should be praised even, for NOT doing anything, because fighting the urge is getting harder and harder. She knows there is a problem, she even told him last week, but she’s not guilty. That’s why she gets so defensive, because she’s using all the willpower she possibly has to do the right thing, but that is her intention. She's arguing her case with passion, she totally believes in it.


Thing is, he thinks she cheated, which she didn’t. So he’s mad at her for being so defensive, he’s threatened by Marina’s presence and I don't blame him. He knows there are feelings from both women. If you think you might be losing your wife, who wouldn’t be afraid? He doesn’t know she didn’t cheat on him. When she tells him, he doesn't believe her. In her head maybe, but she can’t stop that. What she can do, is stop something from actually happening, which she has managed up till now, but it's draining her.

She’s all about happiness. That’s the thing that drives her. She knows what she wants, she wants to have it, she knows where she can find it, but she’s not going after it yet. She’s being blocked because of Cadu, he’s the reason right now that she can’t chase it, can’t go and find if Marina is indeed where she can find it. She knows that it’s not his fault he got sick, so she doesn’t want to blame him for it. But it’s frustrating her.


That’s why she’s mad at him for making it a problem. She believes she’s in the right, she might have feelings, but she hasn’t acted on them, so in that logic, she’s got it right. She’s given herself up, she stayed with him, gave up working in the studio, so don’t you dare get mad at me.

She felt like a failure because she didn’t do the thing she told Ju about, she chickened out, she’s unhappy, feels like a coward. She didn’t do it, it made her unhappy. She regrets not doing it. She regrets not doing the thing that would have brought her with Marina. Not seeking her own happiness made her a failure in her own eyes, a personal defeat. Cowardice. That is how she saw herself. The situation as it was at the time was not only hurting her cause she loves someone and couldn’t be with her, it also severely affected her self-image.

That self image is something she needed to get back up, to do that she needed to find her happiness, but to find her happiness she needs be the bad guy and cheat on Cadu, which will totally conflict with that. She’s never been the bad guy before, so she didn’t know how to deal with it. She’s accepted the situation now. Accepted that she’s stuck for the moment. She’s still putting her own happiness aside and she hates it. All she wants right now, is get this situation over with. Work towards the end.


She’s even trying to kind of steer Veronica and Cadu towards each other. She picked up on her being interested in him and gave her a speech praising how amazing he was, making it even worse. She’s also talking about Veronica in very positive ways to Cadu, trying to raise his opinion of her. She’s kind of steering things into that direction. Kind of pushing him into Veronica’s arms, so he will be the bad guy first, saves her from doing it. I don’t really think that’s her angle, so she can blame him later instead of herself, but it would help in making things a lot easier if he had someone. If he was the one to make the call. If that happens, then later she'll be able to say, I successfully fought it, I was strong. But, like I said, I don't think it's her angle to make him the one to blame. More like, she's not looking to put the blame on him, she just doesn't want to be the bad guy. She wants to do the right thing, she cares about doing the right thing. If she didn't care about that, she'd have hopped into bed with Marina weeks ago. 

But she did change. She’s confident now. She is just working towards a goal that will get her to find out where her happiness lies. She’s knows what she wants, she’s just going through the motions, knowing this situation that she's in won’t change, so she accepts it and deals with it. She resigned, as in, right now, so be it. She’s working towards the next situation, where Cadu isn’t sick anymore, where she can stop giving herself up. That’s when she can chase her happiness. All her energy is focused in getting to that point. She’s not scared anymore, she knows what she wants. Her confidence is back. She did nothing wrong, she’s done feeling guilty.

When Silvia checks him out, she asks him if there are any reasons to be anxious. Cadu looks at Clara first, then says no. She’s just curious what he'll say, not guilty anymore. She even shakes her head after Silvia mentions he should become a Buddhist, she's annoyed. She's even more annoyed when Silvia tells him it's a very delicate time for him. Make him worry more, just what I need, she thinks.


When he said he wasn’t feeling well, she figured he'd be imagining because she feels Silvia is treating him like a baby and now, every time he farts, he thinks he might be rejecting his heart. So when she first comes in during Silvia’s check up, she’s first interested, after all, maybe there is something, you never know. As soon as she knows it's nothing, she’s fiddling with her bag, her face totally relaxed, not guilty, not concerned, nothing. She is very sure that she is not the reason he’s feeling anxious. Her actions aren't the reason he’s feeling weird cause right now, just another imaginary heart rejecting fart. If I were his heart, I’d be rejecting him, honestly.

She simply has no energy for this. She’s working her ass off to run his little project, she gives up the studio for it. She’s giving up being with Marina for him, to do the right thing. Resisting Marina, running the bistro, running the whole household, it’s taking up all her energy. She has no energy for grown men making it even harder by making up things that don’t exist. Look at the difference, when Cadu went to Marina’s house and made a fuss, she was very scared he’d bring it up in front of her family. She felt totally guilty, cause she has never been the bad guy. 


Now, she wasn’t scared he’s say yes when Silvia asked if there was a reason to be anxious. She was just curious what he’d say. Not guilty. She’s done with that. She has no reason to be guilty. She even feels she has reason to be praised for putting everything aside. But that’s not what’s happening. In fact, it’s the exact opposite.

After Cadu calls her when she’s working in the bistro, after she hangs up Ritinha asks her about it. Clara answers that it’s going to be like this now, anything different and he’ll think it’s rejection. Ritinha answers that it was hard though. She calls him a poor thing and that if it was her, she'd be staying at home for at least a year. She leans on the table after that talk, she's just drained, so tired. Comments like that make it even harder.


Everybody feels for Cadu. Of course they would, the guy just had a heart transplant. But nobody feels for Clara. She’s there working her ass off, giving up her life, her happiness, but nobody is even noticing what she is sacrificing right now. Recognition for stuff like that, it matters more than you think. Just getting a little shoulder pat, someone says they appreciate what you are doing, it’s good to hear and it can make all the difference to go a little further. Give you a little more energy to put in something, a little more control, not to give in, a little more restraint, to stop yourself from exploding. But she’s not getting much of that, if any. She’s not able to unload at home and let someone else take responsibility. The only place where she’s able to unload, to relax, is with Marina. She simply needs it, just so she's able to get through it all, to be able to take care of his business, his bistro, she needs it to take care of him and her son. She needs it, but he’s giving her shit for it.

That’s why she defends Marina ferociously, she needs it. That is all she has the energy for. She doesn’t have the energy to fight Cadu or explain to him. When she tells him nothing happened, he doesn't believe her. All he knows is that there's another person, therefore, Clara is the guilty party. All that stuff she’s holding in, it’s about to explode because what she’s giving and what she's giving up, is totally being overlooked. She might have fallen in love with another woman, but that’s something you can’t control. What you can control, is giving yourself up completely and give everything you have so you can do the right thing. Nobody sees that. People only see that the poor guy had a heart transplant and to make matters worse, his wife fell in love with someone else. Who wouldn't feel for him? But they don't know the whole story. All the support goes to the guy who had a heart transplant and is now whining in the saddest voice he can come up with whenever he sneezes cause he thinks his heart is rejecting him. All the critics are aimed at the woman who gave up her life and her love, her happiness. That's not easy.

Cadu might blame her, but falling in love isn’t something she feels she can be blamed for. Giving yourself up completely and not acting on it, that’s what gives her the right to defend herself completely. Marina being the only place she can relax right now, that’s what she feels gives her the right to defend her. Resisting the incredible urge to act on her extreme desire to be with Marina, that’s what gives her the right to defend her hanging out in the bistro. That’s how she sees it. With all she’s giving up, that’s what she needs to be able to cope with it. That’s why she is defending it.


Being seen as the bad guy while you’re being the textbook good guy isn't easy. Clara wasn’t kidding when she said she’s about to explode. I'm going to start looking for a good place for cover, cause it's not far off I think.

2 comments:

  1. "Thing is, he thinks she cheated, which she didn’t."

    I don't think Cadu thinks that Clara has cheated. I think he is simply frustrated with Clara because he believes she is being insincere and two-faced about the meaning of her relationship/interactions with Marina. One day she is totally honest with him about the fact that their marriage is in jeopardy (mainly because of Marina) and then the next day, she tries to act like he's crazy for thinking that the time she spends with Marina is a threat to their marriage. It's unreasonable and irrational for Clara to expect Cadu to not be suspicious/accusatory when you consider everything she's told him. She's pretty much confirmed that she reciprocates Marina's romantic feelings to a certain extent and then proceeds to act as if their interactions are entirely platonic. He knows she hasn't cheated but he also knows that she's not being as honest as she likes to make it seem she is being.

    "She’s even trying to kind of steer Veronica and Cadu towards each other. She picked up on her being interested in him and gave her a speech praising how amazing he was, making it even worse. She’s also talking about Veronica in very positive ways to Cadu, trying to raise his opinion of her. She’s kind of steering things into that direction. Kind of pushing him into Veronica’s arms, so he will be the bad guy first, saves her from doing it. I don’t really think that’s her angle, so she can blame him later instead of herself, but it would help in making things a lot easier if he had someone. If he was the one to make the call. If that happens, then later she'll be able to say, I successfully fought it, I was strong. But, like I said, I don't think it's her angle to make him the one to blame. More like, she's not looking to put the blame on him, she just doesn't want to be the bad guy. She wants to do the right thing, she cares about doing the right thing. If she didn't care about that, she'd have hopped into bed with Marina weeks ago."

    In order to get out of this situation without causing too much damage, what Clara ultimately needs to find within herself is her inner strength. If she wants to pursue her happiness while preserving and upholding her values, the only possible solution for her would be to leave Cadu NOW and take seize her chance at happiness with Marina. She doesn't have to cheat and be the bad guy. She just needs to find the courage to do what she knows in heart will make her happy...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. First of all, thanks for your comment and sharing your thoughts.

      I think he doesn't believe her when she said she hadn't. In the first episode where they almost kiss, she comes home, goes to sleep on the couch, when she asks to turn the light off because she is exhausted, he says 'Exhausted of what? Of whom?' She doesn't deny it. She might be thinking she's guilty of cheating in her head, but he doesn't know that. He suspects her then in my opinion. From actually cheating.

      2 episodes later, she talks to him in the bistro, she tells him she promised him sincerity and loyalty, he then responds immediately after she says loyalty, that she didn't follow up on that. So he thinks she hasn't been loyal. Again, she might be thinking about cheating in her head when she put on the guilty face, but he doesn't know that. Again, she doesn't deny. I think he thinks she's been cheating not only with her mind but with her head too. I don't think he believes her when she says nothing happened.

      Regarding your second point, yes, that would be an option, but the risk has been very big until now. I think she's coming closer and closer to that option, but I think she might be steering towards him leaving first.

      Right now, I think she's struggling with his slow recovery. she doesn't want to be seen as the person that leaves a recovering husband. Before all this, she wasn't sure, so jumping into the unknown was too big a step to take. Now she might be a lot closer to that option but she doesn't want to be the one that leave the husband in need. She might be steering things into the direction where he leaves her.

      She's close to being done with this. The bistro scene where he complained about the food pissed her off royally. He treated her like a child, she's totally undervalued for all that she does, but he has no clue, all he does is demand or complain, she is fed up with it. She was even flirting right in front of him right before that with Marina, she doesn't even care anymore that he can see it.

      She could jump out now, but that's gonna look really bad on her. What she wants, I'm guessing, is to invite arguments with him, so that maybe he goes.

      Delete

What do you think?